Life with Cptsd

Come along side as I share my life living with complex-ptsd. Since 14 years old I’ve dealt with sexual abuse, rapes and assaults, forced into prostitution at age 14, drug use , abusive relationships and much more trauma . It’s been 15 years since the time

A typical day

 When I first open my eyes in the morning it differs each day . I could either have been awake all night with such bad anxiety that the thought of closing my eyes just to have nightmares is a hell of it’s own . Or I’ve been able to sleep with nightmares , which is a normal part of my night. So it’s a toss up! Either way nights suck . I do try to Remember to thank God when I wake up that I’m alive and I’ve survived another night . But sometimes I feel anger towards Him . Why do I have to live like this? Some nights I feel like I’m wrestling with the devil in my brain . I just crawl into a ball and pray as the devil whispers “you don’t deserve to live “ . When the darkness turns to morning light I always feel some peace and can sleep for a couple hours . Well now it’s time to be a functional human being ! My mind just wants to stay in bed but motherhood and work call my name . Some days I can just get through my daily tasks but some days every task is so hard . Between the horrible anxiety, flashbacks and physical symptoms from trauma it can make just making my kids breakfast hard . So I force myself . Get dressed, go to work , take care of Ian , clean the house , and then make dinner . By the time my poor husband gets home after a 16 hour work day . I have no energy to even have a normal conversation with him . Every day differs from another but they are all hard. Some days the physical symptoms are so bad that. My whole body hurts , terrible headaches, throwing up , stomach pain . I have an amazing therapist who works with me. We do a therapy called OEI ( I’ll explain more later) it’s very helpful but also to heal from trauma you have to work through it first and that part sucks . The difference between ptsd and complex ptsd is that complex ptsd is years of trauma and different kinds like daily assaults, rapes , witnessing horrible things . Many different traumas . Ptsd would be a certain event . Like a car crash or war .both can not be cured but with help can be manageable but takes years . People have told me to tell my story that it could help so many people . The thought made me sick to even think of telling people about me . But here I am and no I'm not excited to do it but if I can help just one person it was worth it for me God bless Heidi .🌿when there's pain in the night joy comes in the morning 🌿